CHARACTERS HERBIE: male, rich, handsome, graying, a jazz musician DIANE: female, rich, handsome, graying, an actor
INT. A COLUMBIA PICTURES PRODUCTION OFFICE - AFTERNOON
- HERBIE
- You made it!
- DIANE
- Ugh, I'm sorry to be late. [checks watch] Ugh, so late. I really am.
- HERBIE
- Not at all!
- DIANE
- Oh, but I hate it so much. I hope you had something to work on.
- HERBIE
- Absolutely. Of course. In fact I think you're going to be pleased - we can look over it when you get settled but it's something like 10 scenes with full score. Some of it's a little sketched-in but I think you'll dig it.
- DIANE (squealing)
- Oh, Herbie, that's fantastic! You're so goddamned efficient.
- HERBIE
- Well that mule didn't make me sick, so...
- DIANE
- I beg your pardon?
- HERBIE
- It might have been a donkey. Also I might not know the difference. But yeah - I guess a bunch of people are sick this week and they suspect it's all from the same animal: some petting zoo in the Valley.
- DIANE
- Herbert. Dear. What are you saying to me?
- HERBIE (laughing)
- I'm not kidding. A bunch of people woke up ill this week ‑‑ most of them, I guess, just woke up ill suddenly ‑‑ and they triangulated that they'd all been to the same petting zoo with some famous donkey. Long-time resident, ya know. A favorite.
- DIANE
- This is ‑‑ what is this? Where'd you hear about this.
- HERBIE
- Nah it's cool - people started Tweeting about it and someone used the ‑‑ you know there's, like, metadata in your Tweets ‑‑ and somebody noticed all these complaints about 'flu' or whatever kind of clustered around the same area.
- DIANE
- My god.
- HERBIE
- ...and I guess they all started talking with each other and figured out they'd all petted this famous donkey. I honestly don't know if it's been confirmed. But there's a hashtag for it and you can follow along as people figure it out. #donkeymademepuke or something.
- DIANE
- On Twitter, they did this? That's astounding.